Monday, March 11, 2013

Argentina is like men, never asking but always knowing: The directions saga.

I would consider myself probably a pretty knowledgeable person, that is to say I know my way around the place that I live. I happen to live in the centre of Palermo, and work in the centre of Palermo, which also is home to one of the touristy hotspots in BA as it is an encalve of bars, restaruants, clubs the works. I feel pretty confident in my ability to direct someone who is not from Palermo in the right direction. Here comes the massive cultural difference: If I am in microcentro, which I know absolutely nothing about, and a place which kind of stresses me out, I would not tell someone who politely asks me where they are in Microcentro, some direction that I honestly had no idea the location. Perhaps it is pride, or just plain snarky behavior, but Argentines will never tell you that they dont know where they are, much less where you are. In fact it by sheer miracle that I have not ended up on one of these:

So back to microcentro *the area that I despise*. Let me be clear about microcentro, it is tourist haven, home to the president's house, the congress, as well as the finacial district, oh yeah, it also kind of backs up onto retiro, and tends to host some pretty sketchy characters.  So you get a mix to say the very least. But were I to ask someone how do I get to the congress building, the said character, who you will later find out is from Tierra del Fuego, will route you through Monserrat, down calle Florida, to Plaza San Martin, and you will end up at your final destination, Retiro, the extremely dodgy bus station. At the very least you can get yourself a new pair of undies and any knock off things that you could possibly dream of. Luis viton, and Nike toe shoes are a specialty. This also has been known to happen in Retiro:
Granted, I've been robbed oooo  three times now in BA, and at this point it is pretty much a chiste, so hello retiro, fuck you tierra del fuego, you got me robbed. 

This leads me to my next point with directions. Argentina might be the most near sighted country I have ever encountered or perhaps they just have a terrible maths cirriuculum because when I was coming along, two blocks meant TWO, in Argentina, two blocks means seven. I'll give an example. From my office, I was told to go to Puerreydon. Dont worry, it will take you ten minutes it's on the corner of Puerrydon and Paragauy my boss tells me, three blocks nomas. David, is that a joke? Let's take a look at the map. 
The final destination A) doesn't even fit on the map. B) Three blocks gets me only a third of the way so if I was going for any type of time management, that idea pretty much disappears, because 10 minutes will get me to Gallo, 30, will get me to said destination. Lets use our maths jefe, don't be such a boludo, if nothing else, get a calculator, 3 mas 6 = 9.