Communal BBQ First Dates and Other Confusing Dating Tactics

My current humble abode at the moment consists of two single ladies. Two single ladies could also just be another way of saying I live in Gossip Girl aka Thames 2349, where all we do is talk about clothes and boys. I wish that I could deny that last statement but sadly, this is what my life has resorted to. Unlike most, we mostly just talk about how utterly confusing Argentine men are with their dating, or lack thereof, skills. 

I dont want to be vain, but we get a lot of attention, and this is not because we are beauty queens, but more so because we are different. I'll provide an example. We were recently asked if we were Croatian. This was a friendly way for the said Argentine to ask us where the fuck we were from because we most certainly were not from this continent. A typical Argentine woman looks something like this: 

Yes, that is, she is tan, tall, big busted, thin and sassy. The only thing that Argentine women and I have in common might be the sass, but I would consider them more hysterical, than sassy. In comparison, meet myself and Katita Rica. 

The difference is stark. We are not tall, not big busted, not particularly thin but most certainly sassy. And in this country Croatian, a nice way of saying aliens. 

I wont try and pretend that even though we both have had our share of time in South America, that it doesn't surprise us the tact that men go about using to try and woo their ladies. I'll finish this by providing some solid examples for all of you future South American female go getters, or perhaps the prowling european/american gent.  

Exhibit A. The idea of communal dating. If I had to make a guess, I would probably predict that 85 percent of first dates in Argentina are dates to an asado. An asado, for all of you non spanish speakers, is a fancy way of saying BBQ. The whole concept of an asado as a date is confusing because it is communal. There is no one- on-one time at an asado and so whilst you might arrive with your said date, you will essentially end up dating everyone at the communal bbq because speaking to only one person at a social gathering is rude, no matter the culture. One might ask themselves how anyone ever gets anywhere with the asado dating life because you always end up going home solo. I will give them props, that its kind of like speed dating. Pull it together Argentina, put some social lubricant in there, ask for a drink, because whislt you might think it is sexy to man the grill, it is not sexy to watch you stuff your face with chorizo. 

Exhibit B. The whatsapp approach for asking for numbers. So for a country that considers themselves super macho, the men sure are pussies when it comes to asking for someones number. If you like someone it is normal to ask for their number. It means you might want to go out with them. Argentina missed this mark, and decided to take a stroll around the park. About 90 percent of the time, a man will ask for your whatsapp. Now, for anyone who doen't have whatsapp, you must put the person's phone number in your address book in order for this to work. By asking for a whatsapp you are asking for their number. I'm sure all the Argentine men think they are stealthy with this little trick, but sorry buddy you are the fourth person this week to ''do you have whatsapp?'' me. Grow some balls and ask for my number. 

Exhibit C. Drowning compliments and overambitious PDA. Anyone looking for an ego boost should just up and move to South America because Argentine men will literally put their dignity on the line to let you know that if you tried, you too could be the next Kate Moss. They will drown you in compliments about even your most hidious features. Got cankles? Not to worry he might say, they look like the tree trunks of the tree of life. Double chin? Big nose? If all else fails, plastic surgery is cheap in South America and he might try and woo you into paying for it. You could be the barbie you always dreamed about! Speaking of dignity, I do like to preserve mine, cultural differences have their PDA limits. It is perfectly acceptable to grope your partner on public transport, and stradle them in what might be considered soft core porn. I am not looking for internet stardom, so behind closed doors will be fine thanks. In fact, Argentina has telos *hourly hotels* for all you love birds that can just not wait to get off the bus before those pants come off. I try and shield my eyes in these circumstances. 

I could probably go on for hours about cultural differences in dating but for now I am destined to be single, in this world of latin infidelity and debauchery. I'll take a nice german boy, one, who when I am fat, will tell me that its fine, it will come off in time, rather than liken me to be beauty of a whale gliding through the atlantic.